I knew there was a reason I was dreading today so much before it even happened. I know I have written before about how much I was looking forward to alone time and all that, but let me tell you, I cried the biggest tears ever after dropping my mom off at the airport this morning. We'll see her again in a couple of months, but realizing how much she truly has helped with Lukas and Lilli and keeping this home in some kind of order, put me in panic mode. As if that wasn't enough, today was Ben's first day of work. He works swing shift, so at least he was there in the morning. Still, I knew it was going to be a rough afternoon.
After Ben left around 1:20ish, I fed both babies, burped them, changed them, and got them ready for a walk. We've been jotting down when we feed what to monitor Lilli's digestive processing, which has helped keep track of how much they truly eat and how often they eat (who the heck are the people, "experts", that say that at almost 2 months, babies should eat 4-6 times 5-6 ounces each time. Not these two....we feed many more times!).
Anyhow, I felt brave and even took the dog. We made our way to the park without too many issues, despite missing sidewalks and chained up dogs (I have really come to hate our neighborhood!). We did a loop in the park and headed home. By then, both Lukas and Lilli were starting to get fussy, and that's when the fun started. I was able to put Lilli on the couch, where she pretty much chilled for a couple of hours. Lukas, however, holy crap, he screamed for a couple of hours almost non-stop. Needless to say, I was crying right there with him. I know, I know, babies sense all that, but at that point, I really didn't care. Between him crying and me howling, Max our dog, must have felt really bad.
I lugged Lukas around, changed his diapers, held him close, rocked him, put him flat on his back, on his stomach, everything...nothing helped. I think he's also dealing with constipation issues, judging from his little (and some not so little) farts. Feeding time (tandem feeding - the boppy pillows are such a great invention for that!) ended around 7:30ish and believe it or not, both babies have been relatively quiet since then. Lukas is out cold, at least he's not moving on the monitor. Lilli, however (of course, after being "good" all day) is squirming around like a little worm and still has her eyes wide open (the monitor, equipped with night vision, shows her little eyes popping out like a little alien - creepy!). I, in the meantime, managed to chow down a bowl of mac and cheese (eeew), fold some laundry, water the plants, and alas, write a blog entry.
I know, I know, it will get better. Right now, though, I need to feel sorry for myself (-: I am appreciative of all the help that people have offered and will definitely take all of you up on it, but I'm gonna give it a try for a couple of days on my own. For God's sake if octomom can have 14 or however many kids she has, I should be able to "handle" two. So, here I am, lonely and exhausted, hoping that tomorrow will be better.
On a positive note, both Lukas and Lilli are much more alert when they are awake and I'm waiting for the day that they intentionally smile - it better be at me!
Time to get the little princess from upstairs. 2.5 more hours before Ben comes home...I can do it, I can do it, I can do it!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Friday, April 13, 2012
4+ weeks later...everything's still a blur
I'm not even exactly sure where to begin, other than that I've never felt so unorganized and lost in time than I do now. I cannot believe that Lukas and Lilli will be five weeks this Sunday. It sure feels like the almost-ambulance-birth happened just a couple of days ago. Well, let's see where we are. I posted scores to FB a while ago. Maybe I'll start with that here, too.
Monday, March 19, 2012
Letting go of all the negativity...
Alright, brace yourself for all kinds of negative stuff. Heck, if not here, where else can I complain about it?! Lukas and Lilli are 8 days old today, and I truly never thought this would be so difficult. I guess this is what they mean when they talk about baby blues? I feel inadequate, incompetent, and, honestly, would rather be at work. And just thinking about that makes me feel guilty and sad all over again. Vicious cycle, I know.
Where to start? Breastfeeding? Pumping? Sleeping? Recovery? Pet adjustment? Might as well start in that order.
I was so intent on breastfeeding and super excited to meet with the hospital's lactation person. Throughout my stay there, I met with a couple of different people, and although I'm sure it wasn't their intention, I felt judged by both of them. I don't remember meeting with the first because I was high on meds and really don't remember much from the second visit either. Needless to say, I really don't know how to breastfeed and neither baby is able to latch on. They are tongue-tied and have issues with latching, I do remember them telling me that; I also remember them telling me not to worry - yeah right. They told me to start using the pump (not really how often, how long, how nothing)...and just kind of wait. Great. She showed me a couple of times how to latch IF they were able to breastfeed. Well, it's all nice and dandy when you have four hands, but I have not been able to even remotely replicate what they told me to do (not that I could remember it anyways). I tried a couple of times at home, but aside from them biting my nipples, it really wasn't a successful experience. I called Madigan's lactation consultant today, and while the woman was very nice, it really just left me feeling sad. She referred me to a couple of online videos about latching and hand expression and invited me to a moms group tomorrow, where they will have lactation consultants and a pediatrician on hand. And although, I really am trying to be positive, I am less than hopeful.
This leads nicely into the pumping issue. Again, I don't remember a single person at the hospital talking to me about pumping, like are you supposed to set it to the highest setting possible, i.e. the higher = the better, how long are you supposed to pump, and how much should ideally be coming out? I have been on my own, doing little pumping (I admit) and skipping it all together during the night. I'm just so tired from getting up and formula-feeding that I can't imagine pumping on top of that. As a result (although it might not be related at all - what do I know?!), I have not been producing much milk (of course I don't know how much I should be producing). On average about 30 ml each "sitting" with way more coming out of my left breast than out of my right breast. My boobs are extremely sore and I am constantly cold. Unfortunately, my breasts are also really hard, which means I'm probably not pumping enough. After speaking to the lady today, I was told to pump every 3 hours ("even better, every 2 hours during the day) and only once may I wait 4 hours. How in the world am I supposed to do that? I'm already so tired that just the thought of having to get up tonight to pump starts a whole new flood of tears. I've tried to pump consistently throughout the day....don't know if I can do it tonight.
Sleeping...I knew it was not going to be easy, but I remember everyone saying "oh, make sure you sleep when babies are sleeping". And how exactly is that supposed to happen when the feeding takes a good hour for both and then I'm supposed to be pumping and keep the babies awake during the day?! They don't sleep well the way it is. I know I can't expect them to sleep for long periods of time, but it takes them so long to fall asleep that by the time they are out, it's almost time for a feeding again. We were told by a Madigan pediatrician to let them sleep at night, i.e. if they wanted to sleep for five hours straight, we should just let them sleep. Today, we were told to not let them sleep past three hours - feeding needs to happen every 3 hours. I am so flipping confused by all the different opinions out there. The lactation consultant today said that under no circumstances should we let them sleep like that. They MUST be woken up every three hours to eat. When does this get better?!
And (almost) finally, my own recovery. While I was very surprised by how well the c-section recovery went (already got staples removed and am really not bothered by the scar whatsoever, the stitches down below from the vaginal birth are killing me. It itches, burns, and simply just hurts. I've been trying to go without pain meds during the day because they make me sleepy, but maybe that's not the way to do it?! Madigan was kind enough to schedule me an appointment with their OBGYN psych in 6 weeks (really?! Don't they think there should be something happening before then?!). When I called today, I was told I could do the walk-in triage. I think I'll try it tomorrow to see about these stitches and also my feet. I was never swollen during the actual pregnancy, but now have feet and ankles like you wouldn't believe it. Heck, I can't see my ankles at all. My feet and lower legs hurt so bad, no matter whether it's in the morning, day, evening, or night. I've tried to put my feet up, but come on, who are we kidding here - between feeding, pumping, bottle washing, and trying to stay social via online media - this is not really possible. Today I tried to wear compression stockings. Ben had to help me put them on; I'm not sure what hurt worse, putting them on or wearing them all day. I'm terrified to death to take them off tonight because I know it will hurt like he**. So, I'll address that with the triage nurse tomorrow, too.
And now, finally, my last complaint for the day. Needless to say, I'm teary-eyed again and just feeling completed defeated. I was so looking forward to bringing the babies home and introducing Max to them. Well, our cat Precious, too, but I was more looking forward to Max's reaction. He has been really good with the babies, but I know he feels terribly neglected. He pooped in the house two nights in a row and has eaten very little food. I was able to walk him once so far, but I'm sure our backyard is filled with poop everywhere. I feel so guilty for not taking better care of him and looking at his sad eyes makes me cry. He hasn't slept in the bedroom, but stays either downstairs or in the hallway. I know it's ridiculous to feel bad for a dog, but I do. The terrible weather hasn't helped either, as we are all confined pretty much to the house.
I'm done now. Seriously hope this phase passes soon. I know not to expect that everything will go perfect from the get-go, but it's hard for me and my personality to accept that fact and let go of everything. I had and still have extremely high expectations and standards for myself and right now I don't feel like I'm meeting any of them.
Will update after mom's group and triage visit - here's to things getting better REALLY soon. Ben always says, "You can't only have the good stuff, there's gotta be some bad stuff, too". I know he's right, but I don't like feeling that way. He's been more than supportive, passing his nursing final while dealing with my sadness, and I don't want to overwhelm him with my feelings either. My mom comes in next week. While I hope that she can help with some of these issues, I also hope that she won't judge or make me feel even less competent.
For now, I will eat some dinner (thanks to the husband) and wait for the next pumping in 30 minutes and feeding in an hour.
Where to start? Breastfeeding? Pumping? Sleeping? Recovery? Pet adjustment? Might as well start in that order.
I was so intent on breastfeeding and super excited to meet with the hospital's lactation person. Throughout my stay there, I met with a couple of different people, and although I'm sure it wasn't their intention, I felt judged by both of them. I don't remember meeting with the first because I was high on meds and really don't remember much from the second visit either. Needless to say, I really don't know how to breastfeed and neither baby is able to latch on. They are tongue-tied and have issues with latching, I do remember them telling me that; I also remember them telling me not to worry - yeah right. They told me to start using the pump (not really how often, how long, how nothing)...and just kind of wait. Great. She showed me a couple of times how to latch IF they were able to breastfeed. Well, it's all nice and dandy when you have four hands, but I have not been able to even remotely replicate what they told me to do (not that I could remember it anyways). I tried a couple of times at home, but aside from them biting my nipples, it really wasn't a successful experience. I called Madigan's lactation consultant today, and while the woman was very nice, it really just left me feeling sad. She referred me to a couple of online videos about latching and hand expression and invited me to a moms group tomorrow, where they will have lactation consultants and a pediatrician on hand. And although, I really am trying to be positive, I am less than hopeful.
This leads nicely into the pumping issue. Again, I don't remember a single person at the hospital talking to me about pumping, like are you supposed to set it to the highest setting possible, i.e. the higher = the better, how long are you supposed to pump, and how much should ideally be coming out? I have been on my own, doing little pumping (I admit) and skipping it all together during the night. I'm just so tired from getting up and formula-feeding that I can't imagine pumping on top of that. As a result (although it might not be related at all - what do I know?!), I have not been producing much milk (of course I don't know how much I should be producing). On average about 30 ml each "sitting" with way more coming out of my left breast than out of my right breast. My boobs are extremely sore and I am constantly cold. Unfortunately, my breasts are also really hard, which means I'm probably not pumping enough. After speaking to the lady today, I was told to pump every 3 hours ("even better, every 2 hours during the day) and only once may I wait 4 hours. How in the world am I supposed to do that? I'm already so tired that just the thought of having to get up tonight to pump starts a whole new flood of tears. I've tried to pump consistently throughout the day....don't know if I can do it tonight.
Sleeping...I knew it was not going to be easy, but I remember everyone saying "oh, make sure you sleep when babies are sleeping". And how exactly is that supposed to happen when the feeding takes a good hour for both and then I'm supposed to be pumping and keep the babies awake during the day?! They don't sleep well the way it is. I know I can't expect them to sleep for long periods of time, but it takes them so long to fall asleep that by the time they are out, it's almost time for a feeding again. We were told by a Madigan pediatrician to let them sleep at night, i.e. if they wanted to sleep for five hours straight, we should just let them sleep. Today, we were told to not let them sleep past three hours - feeding needs to happen every 3 hours. I am so flipping confused by all the different opinions out there. The lactation consultant today said that under no circumstances should we let them sleep like that. They MUST be woken up every three hours to eat. When does this get better?!
And (almost) finally, my own recovery. While I was very surprised by how well the c-section recovery went (already got staples removed and am really not bothered by the scar whatsoever, the stitches down below from the vaginal birth are killing me. It itches, burns, and simply just hurts. I've been trying to go without pain meds during the day because they make me sleepy, but maybe that's not the way to do it?! Madigan was kind enough to schedule me an appointment with their OBGYN psych in 6 weeks (really?! Don't they think there should be something happening before then?!). When I called today, I was told I could do the walk-in triage. I think I'll try it tomorrow to see about these stitches and also my feet. I was never swollen during the actual pregnancy, but now have feet and ankles like you wouldn't believe it. Heck, I can't see my ankles at all. My feet and lower legs hurt so bad, no matter whether it's in the morning, day, evening, or night. I've tried to put my feet up, but come on, who are we kidding here - between feeding, pumping, bottle washing, and trying to stay social via online media - this is not really possible. Today I tried to wear compression stockings. Ben had to help me put them on; I'm not sure what hurt worse, putting them on or wearing them all day. I'm terrified to death to take them off tonight because I know it will hurt like he**. So, I'll address that with the triage nurse tomorrow, too.
And now, finally, my last complaint for the day. Needless to say, I'm teary-eyed again and just feeling completed defeated. I was so looking forward to bringing the babies home and introducing Max to them. Well, our cat Precious, too, but I was more looking forward to Max's reaction. He has been really good with the babies, but I know he feels terribly neglected. He pooped in the house two nights in a row and has eaten very little food. I was able to walk him once so far, but I'm sure our backyard is filled with poop everywhere. I feel so guilty for not taking better care of him and looking at his sad eyes makes me cry. He hasn't slept in the bedroom, but stays either downstairs or in the hallway. I know it's ridiculous to feel bad for a dog, but I do. The terrible weather hasn't helped either, as we are all confined pretty much to the house.
I'm done now. Seriously hope this phase passes soon. I know not to expect that everything will go perfect from the get-go, but it's hard for me and my personality to accept that fact and let go of everything. I had and still have extremely high expectations and standards for myself and right now I don't feel like I'm meeting any of them.
Will update after mom's group and triage visit - here's to things getting better REALLY soon. Ben always says, "You can't only have the good stuff, there's gotta be some bad stuff, too". I know he's right, but I don't like feeling that way. He's been more than supportive, passing his nursing final while dealing with my sadness, and I don't want to overwhelm him with my feelings either. My mom comes in next week. While I hope that she can help with some of these issues, I also hope that she won't judge or make me feel even less competent.
For now, I will eat some dinner (thanks to the husband) and wait for the next pumping in 30 minutes and feeding in an hour.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
The Birth Story - shorter than one would expect (-:
Finally a few minutes to jot down my thoughts about the most important (yet shortest) event in my life so far. Not quite sure how to begin all of this, but here we go...
Last weekend (Mar 10), I went to a workshop held at my school, thinking about how well I was walking and feeling that morning. I stayed for a couple of hours after the workshop, wrapping up things, and making a list for the following week (my last week of work). Ben had gotten me a massage certificate, so after stopping at Trader Joes and Freddies, I headed over to my massage. I remembered the entire time how the therapist at my last massage had said, "I really can't massage your shoulder and shoulder blades too much, that's a trigger point for early labor", wondering how in the world this massage therapist had had any training in prenatal massages, as she literally worked on my shoulder the entire time. I, of course, dindn't want to offend her, and just let her do whatever she wanted to. That night, I went home feeling pretty relaxed, spent time eating pizza at the neighbor's house, and fell asleep watching TV. Ben and his friend Scott went to the Comedy Club, while I snored the night away.
At about 3:30ish, I went to the bathroom and felt a little pop in my lower back. I thought it certainly was something related to the massage I had gotten earlier and because I was so tired, just went back to bed. When I woke up just an hour or so later, my underwear was wet (sorry if TMI), but there wasn't the gushing or anything else that I expected to be there. Ben was sleeping in the other room - this had made sleeping sooooo much easier the past few days - so I decided to google signs of broken water. I know, I know, I should have just gone with my instinct. Well, one of the fabulous pieces of advice I gathered from online was that you could do a "simple science experiment", by staying flat on your back for half an hour and then getting up to see if there was an "unusual flow" or "urge". I had neither and went back to bed.
I got up around 7:30am on Sunday March 11, feeling light cramps and lower back pain. Again, I thought that must be related to the massage, the back part that is, and never really thought about the cramps. By 8:30am, I was in the shower, shaving legs, thinking to myself that I should probably go to Madigan's Labor and Delivery, just in case. Around 9ish, Ben came downstairs, had coffee, and was playing around on FB. I told him that we probably should go to Madigan because I wasn't feeling very well. His response, "Let me just file my unemployment claim really quick and then I'll pack your bag". I know, I should have packed that bag a long time ago, but honestly had intentions to do it that Sunday.
Within half an hour, I had contractions that I don't wish upon anyone. They were about 8 to 10 minutes apart, scaring literally the crap out of me. Ben ran around the house like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to pack the back, throwing car seats into the car, and trying to calm me down. No such luck, I could feel myself wetting and pooping my pants standing up in the bathroom, trying to at least brush my teeth (sorry again, if TMI). When we were finally ready to go, the contractions were less than 5 minutes apart. There was no way in the world, I could sit in my car. Ben moved everything from car to truck and I attempted to climb into the back of the truck, all the while screaming like I never have. I thought for sure by now the neighbors must have heard me, but surprisingly none of them came out. Ben got me back in the house, where he had put blankets and pillows on the floor, ready to jump into action, if needed. He ran the dog over to the neighbors and called 911. The ambulance arrived in less than 3 minutes, my contractions being less than a minute apart. The paramedics and firefighters (I still feel really bad for them) let me into the ambulance, strapped me down, and started the IV. All I remember is one saying "get ready, baby A is already half-way out". Heck no, I was not about to give birth in an ambulance. I heard sirens, and off we were - not to Madigan (too far!), but right down to Tacoma General.
We arrived at the hospital and that's where my memory gets somewhat blurry. I remember being rolled into the OR on the ambulance's stretcher and the guys moving me over. I remember two doctors and a boat load of other people in the OR, looking panicked and debating on what to do. One of the doctor's said, "There is no time, I can see the head. We need to move now". I remember screaming "No, don't do this to me, no, no, no no no no no" and holding on to one of the nurse's arms like there was no tomorrow. They strapped down my legs because I truly just wanted to jump off that table. Not sure exactly where to, but I certainly had no intentions to give birth vaginally. Two pushes later, after pain that I truly cannot describe, Lilli Martha was born. I think they briefly held her up and then the doctor said, "There is no time for an epidural, we have to do an emergency c-section". Baby B's heart beat was down to 80 bpm. Some anesthesiologist (forgive my ignorant spelling, please) came to my face and told me something about breathing oxygen and that he wouldn't leave my side. He kept yelling at the people down below, "When are we ready? Tell me when we're ready, we have to get moving".
And that's it. Next thing I know, I woke up somewhere, holding both babies. Lukas Colin was born just 15 minutes after Lilli. I was transported to the recovery room and later post partum room, listening to two "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" melodies, and thinking the whole time, this just cannot be true. By then, Ben had joined me and the babies. I'll let him add his thoughts to all of this. We were immediately surrounded by nurses, pediatric staff, and all kinds of other people who took fabulous care of all of us, but particularly of the babies. I truly don't remember much of that first day, other than that I still cannot believe that these two mircale babies are finally here and the enormous amount of pain that I had.
An update on the rest of our stay at TG to follow soon.....as well as memories of our first days at home with both Lilli and Lukas. What a great experience. I couldn't be any happier and am looking forward to the years ahead with these two very special people. I am grateful for all of you who, altough you didn't know the birth was happening (and neither did I until the minute of, by the way), were supportive of us and sending positive vibes from all over the world.
Last weekend (Mar 10), I went to a workshop held at my school, thinking about how well I was walking and feeling that morning. I stayed for a couple of hours after the workshop, wrapping up things, and making a list for the following week (my last week of work). Ben had gotten me a massage certificate, so after stopping at Trader Joes and Freddies, I headed over to my massage. I remembered the entire time how the therapist at my last massage had said, "I really can't massage your shoulder and shoulder blades too much, that's a trigger point for early labor", wondering how in the world this massage therapist had had any training in prenatal massages, as she literally worked on my shoulder the entire time. I, of course, dindn't want to offend her, and just let her do whatever she wanted to. That night, I went home feeling pretty relaxed, spent time eating pizza at the neighbor's house, and fell asleep watching TV. Ben and his friend Scott went to the Comedy Club, while I snored the night away.
At about 3:30ish, I went to the bathroom and felt a little pop in my lower back. I thought it certainly was something related to the massage I had gotten earlier and because I was so tired, just went back to bed. When I woke up just an hour or so later, my underwear was wet (sorry if TMI), but there wasn't the gushing or anything else that I expected to be there. Ben was sleeping in the other room - this had made sleeping sooooo much easier the past few days - so I decided to google signs of broken water. I know, I know, I should have just gone with my instinct. Well, one of the fabulous pieces of advice I gathered from online was that you could do a "simple science experiment", by staying flat on your back for half an hour and then getting up to see if there was an "unusual flow" or "urge". I had neither and went back to bed.
I got up around 7:30am on Sunday March 11, feeling light cramps and lower back pain. Again, I thought that must be related to the massage, the back part that is, and never really thought about the cramps. By 8:30am, I was in the shower, shaving legs, thinking to myself that I should probably go to Madigan's Labor and Delivery, just in case. Around 9ish, Ben came downstairs, had coffee, and was playing around on FB. I told him that we probably should go to Madigan because I wasn't feeling very well. His response, "Let me just file my unemployment claim really quick and then I'll pack your bag". I know, I should have packed that bag a long time ago, but honestly had intentions to do it that Sunday.
Within half an hour, I had contractions that I don't wish upon anyone. They were about 8 to 10 minutes apart, scaring literally the crap out of me. Ben ran around the house like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to pack the back, throwing car seats into the car, and trying to calm me down. No such luck, I could feel myself wetting and pooping my pants standing up in the bathroom, trying to at least brush my teeth (sorry again, if TMI). When we were finally ready to go, the contractions were less than 5 minutes apart. There was no way in the world, I could sit in my car. Ben moved everything from car to truck and I attempted to climb into the back of the truck, all the while screaming like I never have. I thought for sure by now the neighbors must have heard me, but surprisingly none of them came out. Ben got me back in the house, where he had put blankets and pillows on the floor, ready to jump into action, if needed. He ran the dog over to the neighbors and called 911. The ambulance arrived in less than 3 minutes, my contractions being less than a minute apart. The paramedics and firefighters (I still feel really bad for them) let me into the ambulance, strapped me down, and started the IV. All I remember is one saying "get ready, baby A is already half-way out". Heck no, I was not about to give birth in an ambulance. I heard sirens, and off we were - not to Madigan (too far!), but right down to Tacoma General.
We arrived at the hospital and that's where my memory gets somewhat blurry. I remember being rolled into the OR on the ambulance's stretcher and the guys moving me over. I remember two doctors and a boat load of other people in the OR, looking panicked and debating on what to do. One of the doctor's said, "There is no time, I can see the head. We need to move now". I remember screaming "No, don't do this to me, no, no, no no no no no" and holding on to one of the nurse's arms like there was no tomorrow. They strapped down my legs because I truly just wanted to jump off that table. Not sure exactly where to, but I certainly had no intentions to give birth vaginally. Two pushes later, after pain that I truly cannot describe, Lilli Martha was born. I think they briefly held her up and then the doctor said, "There is no time for an epidural, we have to do an emergency c-section". Baby B's heart beat was down to 80 bpm. Some anesthesiologist (forgive my ignorant spelling, please) came to my face and told me something about breathing oxygen and that he wouldn't leave my side. He kept yelling at the people down below, "When are we ready? Tell me when we're ready, we have to get moving".
And that's it. Next thing I know, I woke up somewhere, holding both babies. Lukas Colin was born just 15 minutes after Lilli. I was transported to the recovery room and later post partum room, listening to two "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" melodies, and thinking the whole time, this just cannot be true. By then, Ben had joined me and the babies. I'll let him add his thoughts to all of this. We were immediately surrounded by nurses, pediatric staff, and all kinds of other people who took fabulous care of all of us, but particularly of the babies. I truly don't remember much of that first day, other than that I still cannot believe that these two mircale babies are finally here and the enormous amount of pain that I had.
An update on the rest of our stay at TG to follow soon.....as well as memories of our first days at home with both Lilli and Lukas. What a great experience. I couldn't be any happier and am looking forward to the years ahead with these two very special people. I am grateful for all of you who, altough you didn't know the birth was happening (and neither did I until the minute of, by the way), were supportive of us and sending positive vibes from all over the world.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Baby Showers - 3 down, 1 more to go
You all should be so proud of me. I made it through three baby showers, and am still alive. And, if I may say so myself, I thought I handled it pretty well. The first shower was thrown by my old class (last year’s students). They were so excited, given that it was a first for many of them – ha, little did they know that it was my first, too! Lukas and Lilli received an enormous amount of cute clothing, bath accessories, and all kinds of other fun things. Not to mention the yummy cupcakes and other goodies. It was a fabulous introduction to the world of baby showers, and I am so glad it happened with “my” kids.
Baby shower #2 happened a week later at school as well, but this time with colleagues. What a fun event! Hosted by my old teaching team, everyone (including me!) had a great time. I cannot believe how many wonderful things were given to me and how excited people were to celebrate with me. The staff’s generosity was amazing and took my breath away. We received items that we didn’t know existed and a ton more cute clothing. I swear, our kids will be the best dressed babies around…definitely a lot better dressed than I am (-: By now, our living room was filling up quickly with gift bags, diapers, clothes, and everything else one could possibly imagine. (I have thought about working from home while staying home and I have found a great business idea – baby shower gift bags! I can seriously fill multiple shelves!). We emptied one bag after the next, making sure to write thank you notes as we went along. While Ben put together the Pack’n Play, I took off at least 1,000 tags from all the clothing and started doing baby laundry. Just this past weekend, Ben put together the swing…we are set.
The 3rd shower happened just a few days later at my neighbor’s house. Another diaper drive contributed to our huge arsenal of diapers (we can provide diapers for a handful of newborns!), while friends and neighbors continued to add to the stylish wardrobe of the twins. This, coupled with fabulous food (thanks to our neighbors Kristi an Tiffeny) and some creative games, was the perfect opportunity to catch up with old friends and celebrate the anticipated arrival of our twins. Unfortunately, it also added to our growing baby-mania in the living room. A week later, however, we are pretty cleared out downstairs and have stored most baby items upstairs. All laundry is done for now, all bigger items are put together, diapers are sorted and put away, and we are pretty much ready (okay, not really!).
My last shower is next weekend with my German friends – looking forward to another round of fun (and more stuff to find storage for!).
All in all, I feel very blessed and appreciative of every single person who contributed to gifts, participated in the baby showers, and keeps sending us positive thoughts. We are so grateful to have each and every one in our lives and cannot wait to have Lukas and Lilli be a part of this extended family as well. As far as baby showers go, I feel like a pro, and can honestly say that all my anxiety was so not worth it! Oh well, we live and learn, right?
Ultrasound gone wrong
I know many of you have been waiting for the ultrasound update, so here it is. The week started out with a regular ultrasound appointment, which – no joke – lasted exactly 17 minutes. Granted it was performed by some Chief of Ultrasoundtology (I’m sure that’s not his exact title), it was so fast that I barely got undressed before the guy proclaimed, “we’re done!”. So disappointing. I guess both babies looked good, weighing in at 3 lbs 5 oz. (This was around 29.5 weeks). Needless to say, I didn’t get any pictures, but one – of Lukas’ penis! Really?! That is one thing I really did not need to see. The doc was very proud of his picture….geez! I left there thinking that the 3D ultrasound we had scheduled for the weekend (right at 30 weeks) could only get better. Little did I know.
We went to “Prenatal Universe” in Tacoma somewhat suspiciously after the guy had told me that he only does ultrasounds on the weekends because he has another job during the week. His “business” consisted of a one-room basement Suite in the Tacoma Mall building. I was glad that Ben was there with me, although in retrospect I have to say that the guy was very professional. Our appointment was at 1pm and by 3:30pm we still did not have any good pictures. Neither baby cooperated; in fact, they both had their arms crossed right in front of their little faces. The guy had me get up, climb stairs, eat something sweet, drink water – nothing worked! The pictures that he was able to take were scary (at least to me). Both babies looked like freakish alien clowns, another image I really do not need to ever see again. I seriously thought the images would give me nightmares. Thankfully, they didn’t, but it was still a strange, and disappointing, experience. I know the guy felt really bad, too. He spent 2 hours with us and didn’t even want to charge us a dime because he felt like he was not able to get any good shots. While we briefly considered coming a week or so later, the guy honestly said that it probably would not get any better, as space would get smaller and smaller. We never did go back and are now waiting for the next normal ultrasound, hopefully not with Dr. “Check-out-this-cool-penis”, but with one of the ultrasound techs who know what they are doing.
Updates
Finally some promised updates. These are in no particular order…just haven’t had the chance (okay, haven’t had the motivation!) to upload them. Not sure how people do it, but I have truly lost most of my motivation to do anything. Gotta take advantage of the 5-minute or so bursts of energy, they certainly don’t happen very often.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Looking for a new business? Start a maternity clothing line!
I have been so disappointed by the availability (or lack thereof) of maternity ware, it's unreal. I know it's hard to find pants because I'm tall, but it really should not be such a challenge to find a top. I mean come on, I already feel huge and not highly attractive....not finding nice clothes does not help me feel any better about this growing belly!
Let's see, I've visited both Kohls and Target over the past couple of days. Kohls had literally one (1!!!!!) rack of maternity clothes. Now I know you all know how huge Kohls is. You can't tell me that there is not more out there than fits on one rack. Oh sorry, I forgot the one rack with summer shorts on sale. Really? Last time I checked it was still winter here. Who in the world wears shorts these days?! Not quite ready to give up, I decided to check Target tonight. Needless to say their selection was quite limited, too. Not only that, but they had the maternity clothes mixed in with their womens sizes. Now I know that I am getting big, but to group maternity clothes with basically clothes for overweight people makes no sense. They might fit belly-wise, but most bigger people don't need the length that I need. So, no success there either.
And now explain to me this whole concept of a nursing bra please. Do they really have to look butt ugly? While I don't want to model it in front of the whole world, it could have a bit more of a cute-factor. And what size does one buy in those? Urgh!
All I truly want is to go shopping for normal clothes. Going into any kind of "normal" store is so depressing. I try to avoid it whenever possible, but geez, there are cute clothes everywhere...just not in maternity sizes. I cannot wait to wear regular clothes again. This whole maternity clothes thing is ridiculous, a rip-off, and utterly frustrating. So, if you are looking for a business idea in this tough economy, may I kindly suggest a maternity clothing line for the normal kind of people, i.e. not the XS and S sizes that you might be able to find if you're lucky enough to make it through half of the one and only maternity/big women rack!
Let's see, I've visited both Kohls and Target over the past couple of days. Kohls had literally one (1!!!!!) rack of maternity clothes. Now I know you all know how huge Kohls is. You can't tell me that there is not more out there than fits on one rack. Oh sorry, I forgot the one rack with summer shorts on sale. Really? Last time I checked it was still winter here. Who in the world wears shorts these days?! Not quite ready to give up, I decided to check Target tonight. Needless to say their selection was quite limited, too. Not only that, but they had the maternity clothes mixed in with their womens sizes. Now I know that I am getting big, but to group maternity clothes with basically clothes for overweight people makes no sense. They might fit belly-wise, but most bigger people don't need the length that I need. So, no success there either.
And now explain to me this whole concept of a nursing bra please. Do they really have to look butt ugly? While I don't want to model it in front of the whole world, it could have a bit more of a cute-factor. And what size does one buy in those? Urgh!
All I truly want is to go shopping for normal clothes. Going into any kind of "normal" store is so depressing. I try to avoid it whenever possible, but geez, there are cute clothes everywhere...just not in maternity sizes. I cannot wait to wear regular clothes again. This whole maternity clothes thing is ridiculous, a rip-off, and utterly frustrating. So, if you are looking for a business idea in this tough economy, may I kindly suggest a maternity clothing line for the normal kind of people, i.e. not the XS and S sizes that you might be able to find if you're lucky enough to make it through half of the one and only maternity/big women rack!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Baby registry....what a nightmare!
Who would have known the amount of anxiety the thought of creating a baby registry could possibly create?! First of all, baby registries and baby showers are NOT common at all in Germany. In fact, any kind of shower, i.e. bridal or baby, is not really common. I successfully avoided a bridal registry because I really wasn’t comfortable with it and because I felt Ben and I already had a lot of the things that people typically ask for on a registry.
This whole baby thing is different. I realize that people want to have a shower and that people want to help us get ready for these babies. And that’s a good thing because I really had NO idea whatsoever of the many things that one supposedly needs to get ready for a baby. Double all of that for us and you’re looking at having to build an extension to this tiny house! That being said, I was willing to give it a shot.
I initially started a registry through Target’s website. Not a good idea. It was hard to see the different things, half of the stuff needed to be ordered online, and I was pretty much just randomly picking things. A couple of friends recommended books, but even that seemed overwhelming. I mean really, is it necessary to read a book to know what to get?! Apparently so and, in retrospect, maybe that would have relieved some of the anxiety.
My second step was for Ben and us to go to Babies R Us. I have to admit that I kind of expected a personal assistant who would literally walk us around and tell us exactly what might be worthwhile registering for. Little did I know, however. A customer service clerk took down some of our information and then handed us a little booklet which had all the essentials (and then some, I imagine!) listed. It was all organized by the store’s layout. That made the experience a bit more managable…..however, how in the word does one decide which bottles, nipples, blankets, onesies, etc. to get?! I was so overwhelmed and frustrated that we probably made some rather quick choices before dashing out of the store. Ben, on the other hand, really enjoyed using the little scanner to scan in all the different items. We ended up asking random people in the store for their advice (best strategy ever!) and went with some of their suggestions. Regardless, after leaving I was ready to write off the whole registry thing!
A few days later, after I had recovered from the initial shock, I took the Babies R Us list, highlighted all the things that we still needed and hadn’t registered yet or previously purchased, and off we went to a local Target store. No talking here, the lady handed the scanner over, and we were on our own. We tried to find most of the other items that were on the huge Babies R Us list and Ben once again eagerly used the little scanner. A couple of hours later we were DONE!
Since then, I have not spent a second revisiting the registries or doing anything with it whatsoever. We were told to pretty much throw everything on the registry so that, if nothing else, we could get the 10% off for anything left on the lists after baby showers and births. I am still not completely comfortable with the thought of a baby shower, but have come to accept that people really do want to help as well as have come to realize that we really do need the help.
In a future life, I might consider actually reading a book prior to registering or maybe taking an experienced mommy-friend along….for now, however, I am so relieved that this step in the process is done and over with and happy to announce that we are indeed registered at Target and Babies R Us!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Not Being Able To Help
As the man in this relationship, aka the father, better known as the one who caused all of her discomfort, I find it hard to watch my wife in all her discomfort. Massages do not work, her shortness of breath, and all the issues she has with food, i.e heartburn, nausea, lack of appetite, etc has me at wits end. I am glad that the babies will be here in less than 80 days because I want those babies here healthy and happy, but I want my wife to feel better.
It is hard, especially while in school, and knowing more now about what she is going through. It is hard, know what is happening, and knowing that there is nothing that I can really do for her. I try to show her that I love her, but it is hard when I am sleeping and she is dealing with insomnia.
I wish that she would get the rest that she needs and deserves. She puts on a brave front everyday; I know that she will be an amazing mother to Lukas and Lilli. She already is a great wife, friend, woman. Now she will be able to add Mother to that list.
It is hard, especially while in school, and knowing more now about what she is going through. It is hard, know what is happening, and knowing that there is nothing that I can really do for her. I try to show her that I love her, but it is hard when I am sleeping and she is dealing with insomnia.
I wish that she would get the rest that she needs and deserves. She puts on a brave front everyday; I know that she will be an amazing mother to Lukas and Lilli. She already is a great wife, friend, woman. Now she will be able to add Mother to that list.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Physical changes = no fun!
A lot of people have been asking how I have been feeling and while I truly have been feeling pretty good throughout this pregnancy, this is the perfect opportunity to share my ABCs of physical ailments related to this pregnancy.
A - Anxiety (I was scanning for emergency exit doors at IKEA, thinking I needed to get out of there!)
B - Breathing issues (I have often found myself breathless after just taking a few stairs, and while I don't mind not exercising, it would be nice to at least make it around the block with Max)
C - Cravings (luckily for me, lack thereof...there really is no food that I am craving in particular)
D - Dry eyes (we're trying the humidifier to see if that helps)
E - Extreme moodiness (although I really must say, I have been able to control this for the most part - I usually save it all and let it out on the husband!)
F - Flatulence (might be TMI, too)
G - Growing pains (boy, have I felt these babies grow!)
H - Hemorrhoids (sorry if this is TMI, but gosh, so painful. Thankfully, they have not lasted long)
I - Itchy skin (always had dry skin, but my legs have been particularaly sensitive)
J - Jiggly body parts (hope to get those back into shape soon!)
K - Kan't (lol) think of anything so I'll throw in all the left overs here: growing boobs, sore nipples, head aches, always thirsty, too much kicking, leg cramps, ....I'm sure there are many more!
L - Long nights (although I've been able to go to sleep, I have a hard time staying asleep)
M - Mild heartburn (yuck! I have yet to find a pattern or trigger)
N - Nose bleeds (only had one so far, but that was probably the first I've had in 15+ years)
O - Overly sensitive (must be those darn hormones!)
P - Piercing (had to remove my piercing after it got infected, but healed enough now to put the maternity piercing in soon...yay!)
Q - Queasiness (definitely better than morning sickness and really didn't last long at all)
R - Restlessness (just can't seem to sit still for long periods of time anymore)
S - Swollen feet (do I still have ankles somewhere?!)
T - Tiredness (I actually like this part, gives me an excuse to be lazy)
U - Undergarment issues (how in the world does anything fit and still look semi-cute?!)
V - Varicose veins (according to my doctor, the worst she has seen. Great! Extremely painful!)
W - Weight gain (they say, on average, someone pregnant with twins gains close to 50 pounds....I've been fortunate so far - about 10 pounds!)
X - Xtreme urge to go to the bathroom at ALL times
Y - Yucky smells (I've always had a good sense of smell, but now I have a super nose and smell EVERYTHING, good and bad)
Z - zzzzzs (not so much anymore!)
Like I said, overall, I have been feeling pretty good and crossing my fingers that that feeling will last for the next 12 or so weeks.
A - Anxiety (I was scanning for emergency exit doors at IKEA, thinking I needed to get out of there!)
B - Breathing issues (I have often found myself breathless after just taking a few stairs, and while I don't mind not exercising, it would be nice to at least make it around the block with Max)
C - Cravings (luckily for me, lack thereof...there really is no food that I am craving in particular)
D - Dry eyes (we're trying the humidifier to see if that helps)
E - Extreme moodiness (although I really must say, I have been able to control this for the most part - I usually save it all and let it out on the husband!)
F - Flatulence (might be TMI, too)
G - Growing pains (boy, have I felt these babies grow!)
H - Hemorrhoids (sorry if this is TMI, but gosh, so painful. Thankfully, they have not lasted long)
I - Itchy skin (always had dry skin, but my legs have been particularaly sensitive)
J - Jiggly body parts (hope to get those back into shape soon!)
K - Kan't (lol) think of anything so I'll throw in all the left overs here: growing boobs, sore nipples, head aches, always thirsty, too much kicking, leg cramps, ....I'm sure there are many more!
L - Long nights (although I've been able to go to sleep, I have a hard time staying asleep)
M - Mild heartburn (yuck! I have yet to find a pattern or trigger)
N - Nose bleeds (only had one so far, but that was probably the first I've had in 15+ years)
O - Overly sensitive (must be those darn hormones!)
P - Piercing (had to remove my piercing after it got infected, but healed enough now to put the maternity piercing in soon...yay!)
Q - Queasiness (definitely better than morning sickness and really didn't last long at all)
R - Restlessness (just can't seem to sit still for long periods of time anymore)
S - Swollen feet (do I still have ankles somewhere?!)
T - Tiredness (I actually like this part, gives me an excuse to be lazy)
U - Undergarment issues (how in the world does anything fit and still look semi-cute?!)
V - Varicose veins (according to my doctor, the worst she has seen. Great! Extremely painful!)
W - Weight gain (they say, on average, someone pregnant with twins gains close to 50 pounds....I've been fortunate so far - about 10 pounds!)
X - Xtreme urge to go to the bathroom at ALL times
Y - Yucky smells (I've always had a good sense of smell, but now I have a super nose and smell EVERYTHING, good and bad)
Z - zzzzzs (not so much anymore!)
Like I said, overall, I have been feeling pretty good and crossing my fingers that that feeling will last for the next 12 or so weeks.
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